The birds & the bees talk

Okay Kiddos, fun time ends here. We are probably (well, a faithful reader would know I could never stick to one topic) going to discuss adult topics.. So buzz away. I wish I had one of those big boring confirm buttons which they have on various sites asking you to confirm that you are 18 else to leave the site immediately. Which moron did actually think that a 15 year old can’t press the confirm button or does it require any special skill that one would acquire when one turns 18. Its almost a decade since I turned 18 and sadly, I do not remember acquiring any special skills of turning 18, 21 or for that matter 25.

But then I know I have only one reader for this blog and I really do not want to buzz that one away. So despite me thinking that you are a kid, you might as well stay and read on.

Coming to the title of the post,  I have never had this whole birds & bees talk with anyone; none elder, no one younger… well, I mean the bird & the bees version of course. But why do they call it the birds& bees talk? I have never seen a bird or a bee do it. But I am sure every 5 year old would have seen a dog do it. Shouldn’t they be calling the dog talk or something? Talk about irony.  I remember this old biology professor of mine saying, “How come Hornbill (vezhambal) gets to be the state bird of Kerala, have any one of ever seen it in real? Crow should be our state bird!” I couldn’t agree more.

  

A dearest friend of mine posed the question “why do  men want to commit to one girl when he just wants to cheat on...he might as well stay as a Casanova” which she picked up on the Oprah Show and wanted me to blog about when I told her I have nothing to write about. Isn’t the answer simple enough? Free maid to take care of the house and to make it a home.. Free lady to mother and bring up his kids and the one on the top.. Free sex. Men are the ones who jump at anything free and they blame us women for getting excited about the sales weekends and discounts. Grade one Hypocrites!! O yeah, one with a capital h! ;)

C’mon you can’t blame them. It is easier to be married than to be alone in the big jungle out there when mamma won’t be there to take care of them anymore. I am sure you would have heard of the “proverb”; if your man is not horny; then make him a sandwich. So its either hungry or horny. Now you know the ‘h’ I was talking about. Oh yeah, then there those occasional sports mania he needs to take care of. Well, let’s just ignore them bitching about how bad their wives treat them just ‘cos he didn’t take the trash out while she manages the job, the home and the kids.

Back in college, we had this chapter three on marriage. Oh yeah! I even remember the chapter number. And our professor happened to be someone who had a lot of middle names.. like the popular joke.. My name is Rao, Venkata Rao.. Vigneshwara Venkata Rao……… Vishveshwara(17 middle names and then some)Venkata Rao.Evrytime he sees the Keralite girls in the class, he would start ... Kerala has a matriarchal system, isn't it so? I would always want to scream, No, You idiot! Some site says ezhava caste are the largest Hindu community in Kerala. Big time MCPs they are and would they believe in matriarchal system? No way!! Though a larger part of some other castes are into matriarchal system and prefer peaceful living but it is almost non-existent these days. Sometimes I feel "mallu guys" is just another term for MCPs. ;)

I recently read a book titled “Committed” by Elizabeth Gilbert, a sequel to her previous best seller, Eat Pray & Love. The author explores the concept of marriage in different countries by reading and going to couple of places and talking to the natives. She describes  gender fairness in marriages as "Marriages based on a traditional, restrictive sense about a woman's place in the home tend to be less strong and less happy than marriages where the man and the woman regard each other as equals, and where the husband participates in more traditionally female and thankless household chores. All I can say on this matter is that I once overheard Felipe telling a house-guest that he has always believed a woman's place is in the kitchen...sitting in a comfortable chair, with her feet up, drinking a glass of wine and watching her husband cook dinner. Can I get a few bonus points on this one?"

Well lady, As much as I wanna go all awww… how sweet Felipe is; but don’t you think that man has played his cards rather too well? I am sure you made it up to him between the sheets that day!! Men know our psyche too well and know how to play it well. They just spread those nonsense rumours “women are so complicated”, “even God doesn’t know what a woman wants” blah blah blah. And we remain blissfully ignorant!! I am no bra-burning feminist but I do think we women, at least a vast majority of us, are dumb emotional fools who fall for that “eternal love stories” and hoping to find one for ourselves. We are always told that we are incomplete in ourselves and that perfect one will make us complete. And we keep waiting for our other/better halves to come and make it a complete circle or perfect zero whatever you think suits the best.I would like to believe that unlike the uncooked pizza dough, I am more of a pizza base with basic cheese but waiting for the more interesting toppings. ..complete in myself and my partner would complement me. Well, compliments from him are also welcome. ;) Yes, I did chose to ignore that  comparisons get bizarre at times. ;)

 I believe the most marketed concept ever on the face on earth is true love. You have stories of true love everywhere in the world.. Romeo - Juliet to Heer-   Ranja. Every guy and girl dreams about that soul mate you want spend the rest of your lives with( But a li’l reading on the subject made it clear to me that one could have 127 soul mates and one among them could be your twin soul. Complicated, ain’t it? ). Into your teens, you are made to think (by the media of course) that every li’l crush is true love or one step towards your true love.And once you find him/her you hope to grow old together till all your tooth fall, bones break and lose control over your bladder and still happy to wake up next to each other. What rubbish!



The people have a harmless notion that someday you will meet your “The One”, get married and happily live ever after.  You need a valentine’s day and exquisite chocolates, costly gifts and extra costly hallmark cards and a huge bouquet of red bud roses which can cost you a lot, to let someone know that you love them till eternity. So unless you are sort of a rich guy, celebrating VDay can be injurious to your bank account. Oops, I didn’t mean to bitch about how expensive having a girl friend could be.  ;)But you get my point. From childhood you are led to believe that your prince charming will ride on that white horse and will fight the whole wide world to keep you safe blah blah blah. We like idiots believe all that and when there is no horse, no prince let alone charming; we end up disappointed. I honestly believe love or specifically romantic love is overrated.

A simple google search about arranged marriages led to me a young girl's (all of 24 years of age) blog and let me quote her "I know what I wanna do and I am proceeding towards my Goal. But I miss having that one special person to share this with. For how long am I going to keep making plans with my friends and their respective partners. I miss having a "Him" around, I want a him around when I've had a good day at work, I want a him around when i've worked out that extra mile just to lose wtg fast, I want a him around when I am PMSing, I want a him around when I've fought with my mum, I want a him around to go for movies and dinners with, I want a him around who I can be proud of, of every achievement in his life." I hope she finds her guy who is able to rise up to her expectations. See what our movies, books, poems, greeting cards and the rest have led to. You always need a special someone to look forward to.. and if the guy she finds needs his personal space and she is not able to appreciate it, there is gonna be a lot of disappointment. So, sweetie, I wish you luck.


 I did get sidetracked a little right. No issues, we can plunge right back into it. So is it only men who benefit from marriage? Not really!! A lot of women do too. Lets go with the cliché, some marry for love hoping to find their raison d’être, some marry for money, some for prestige and god knows what all justifiable and so called practical reasons.

And some day I hope my “Prince Charming” comes on his horse to sweep my feet away. All I hope is that once he sweeps me off my feet, he is healthy enough to carry  me. I already have a bad back and can’t risk it once again. When people ask me where my prince charming is, I always tell them that he lost his way and is adamant about not asking for directions; the MCP that he is ;) And he is gonna be late especially if he has found a horse like this one below!

You might call me a cynic, but I am just another stupid girl who hopes to find my perfect guy some day. After all they say there is no such thing as a perfect guy, but there is one guy who would be perfect for you! :)

Image Source Courtesy : Pic1, Pic2, Pic3, Pic4, Pic5, Pic6, Pic7, Pic8, Pic9, Pic10, Pic11, Pic12
I do not own any of the images used and they belong to the sources listed above.